The Gait

Thanksgiving Eve, I went to Church. How or why you may ask? I owed my broker DL, also a pastor, a phone call from last week. ((how he works in both real estate and religion is beyond me. Aren’t they essentially opposites??))

DL called the day before to check up on the status of exiting my lease with the landlord. I called him right before yoga to thank him for his concern and let him know everything was taken care of. He casually asked what I was doing Wednesday night (nothing. I just flew to NJ for Diwali two weeks ago and didn’t plan on going home so no plans for turkey day in SoFlo) . He suggested I come to Thanksgiving dinner held at a Baptist Church in Miramar, about 15 mins away. I hesitated yet, for one reason or another, I felt compelled to go. Maybe it was because I had no T-Day plans. Or maybe I just wanted to go to Church. Plus I’ve never been to a Baptist Church before, so isn’t now as good a time as ever? (said no one…but really, it was a good experience). I confirmed my spot for The Church’s Thanksgiving gathering. I assumed the dinner would take place inside the Church (again, first time Church goer here) so I wondered, what does one wear to a Baptist Church? I had no clue. I figured being formal was a safe bet: a black blazer, royal blue dress shirt and black pants it was.

AK came over for a quick catch-up and considered coming to the Church but opted out. Soon after, I left to pick up a small dessert at Publix before heading over to the Church later that evening. Once I arrived I called DL when his daughter E answered. She would come find me since getting into the gymnasium was a complicated feat. I waited till I couldn’t wait anymore and took it upon myself to navigate my way through the Church grounds into the gymnasium. How complicated could it be? Follow the signs for the gym, easy enough. I passed a room with Asian lettering hanging on a board above the door. I wondered where in the world I was. I entered the gym, DL seemed surprised I had found my way.

How did you get here? he asked.

“Two Japanese men unloading items from a truck let me in through the back gate.”

“Oh the Korean group!” Smooth.

DL immediately introduced me to everyone around him, including his family, his daughter’s fiance, his family, and basically anyone that came up to say hello to him. It was clear I was DL’s guest and he wanted to make sure I felt comfortable. I quickly realized DL and I had matched: a formal jacket, a blue shirt and black pants. I dressed like the pastor.

It was an informal gathering in the Church’s gym. I didn’t even know Church’s had gyms.  I chatted it up with E, her fiance, his brother, and mother whom I sat with. It felt nice doing something else, outside my realm of comfort. I somehow operate well in that indifferent space…

The evening’s proceedings were held in Spanish. DL would say a few words, offer a prayer, then members from their two churches would share testimonials about their experience with God (or as referred to in the Church, El Senor). The religiousness of the night somehow didn’t freak me out. I wasn’t looking to get enlightened or Go to God. I was simply an observer witnessing what it’s like to be amongst the Baptist Church folk. And so far, it felt welcoming.

E’s fiance worked as a part-time professor, had another part-time gig, and also sat with the homeless youth Monday nights outside of Starbucks in Young Circle. His mother was quiet, behaving as though she felt out of place. She was a sweet lady who looked like she’s struggled hard in life just to get by. She shared that she worked in Long Branch and Red Bank for a short stint. She would take the bus to New York, recalling its lengthy journey. The fiance’s brother went to Berklee for 8 months.

“Why 8 months?”  I asked. “It’s expensive”, he said.

South Florida has lots of financially struggling, homeless and poor people in its local bubbles, especially Hollywood. I never lived in an area like that before. Or the population had such extremes economic and social extremes, like Bombay (which is a different kind of poverty) or low-income households, that the contrast of rich and poor made up for any obvious signs of strugglers. Messed up I know but that’s life.

The dinner was potluck style. When dinner was being served people lined up quickly. Not as quickly as Indians in a buffet line but fast enough that I chose to sit out till the line calmed down. Bad idea. While Indians may be the most frustrating bunch in any sort of queue, they at least are speedy about it. They get their food and go. The Spanish folk seem to take their time. The line was moving at a deathly pace so I finally gave in and tagged onto the tail end, where I chatted with DL’s nephews. By the time I made it up to the table, the jerk chicken that DL so passionately spoke about was gone. I got the scraps. They were delicious. I ate other meats I don’t normally eat but it was all delicious. Especially that jerk chicken.

It was almost times for testimonials, but before that, it was music time. E and two others sang religious songs in Spanish. DL’s son manned the speaker system station, making sure he properly projected the Spanish lyrics of the songs on the overhead screen. I sang along because, why not? When in a Church gymnasium…

As people made their way up to the microphone to share their testimonials, I had to concentrate hard to understand them. It’d been awhile since I tried to understand the Spanish that floated around me. I got the jist of it but didn’t care enough to pay attention to the nitty gritty. Plus in Hollywood, I didn’t meet as many Latin Americans as in Miramar or Pembroke Pines. I wanted to know what they were saying and what their experiences were about so I listened so hard to the nitty gritty so much so that head started to hurt. WAY too much concentration for one night. Sad that my Spanish skills dwindled down to this point. I remembered the days of fluent Spanish to taxi drivers in Madrid.

But I understood the majority of what the speakers shared. I could even relate to some of their stories–It’s interesting how their ‘testimonials’ reminded me how in Buddhism we are encouraged to share experiences in faith. We also sing songs related to the fundamentals of Buddhism. It seemed so similar.

Here were some highlights from the night

-the first woman to share said how El Senor helped her to conceive and safely deliver to her daughter Sofi, who was there that night.

-the next person shared how they financially struggled that year but God helped them get through it.

-the older woman made her way up there. it was long-winded speech she made but the crux of it comprised of : “Some people say, yes I believe in God, I believe in God. But they don’t really understand what that means. They don’t carry God in their heart. Tests and difficult times are important and God does this to make your life even better later on.”

After awhile, I started to tear up. Even though I didn’t understand the details of what everyone had to share, it made me emotional. The way a person talks, even if it’s in another language, you still can feel their heart, the emotion of how they speak allows you to understand them even if the words aren’t there.

“This is so amazing,” I thought. how many people gather in this room to share their experiences in faith, with God, whatever you want to call it. Positivity poured through the microphone into the well-lit gym.

Towards the end of the night, we gathered in a circle to hold hands, forming a prayer circle. My first real prayer circle. A man who wasn’t DL said a prayer. With my head down, I held the fiance’s mothers hand in my left and a young girl’s on my right. It was powerful.

The takeaway for me?  Everything is the same. Religion is a conduit to the ocean of life. It is a means to an end. To get caught up in the specificities attached to any one religious brand is missing the bigger picture. Know yourself. Know your worth. Have faith and love. And in the end, know that we may all look very different but we are made up of the same things.

I was thankful for DL’s invitation. I was more grateful than ever that no matter where I go, I’ve relied on the kindness of strangers and been met with sincerity and an open heart. I hope to be able to return the favor to others someday.

Similar to my last post on dining alone with a dead cell phone, traveling alone forces you to pay attention to your surroundings. Most of the time I travel alone. It’s a strange thing, isn’t it? Agreeing to get in a large, contained vessel with a bunch of strangers to ascend more than 30,000 miles up in the air, putting your life in the hands of someone you don’t even know? Okay, maybe that’s the paranoid version of flying alone but it’s what I recently felt when flying to Fort Lauderdale.

After acting wretched to the woman checking me in for my flight, I knew I was in need of a chill sesh. I acted out of emotional stress, frustrated by the miscommunications between airline staff and customers traveling alone with a disability, the end result working against me. The painkiller I had taken the night before did me in–it wasn’t helping to ease any of my anxiety or body aches for that matter. The only plus point discernible from taking that evil little pill was all that anxiety made me overwhelmingly tired and I managed to fall asleep on the plane, a rare occurrence.

I’d like to believe my unconscious state is why I failed to notice the two men sitting in my row were a couple. A gay couple. An OLD gay couple! I was instantly thrilled upon discovering this and wished I hadn’t fallen asleep so as to take in more about my travel seat-buddies, whom I will call Frank and Willis.

As I sat down in my seat, I was drawn to the men’s age. I examined Frank’s (the female energy of the two) wrinkled, veiny hands; the folds of his skin overlapping making his hands appear long and Dumbledore-like. I instantly pinned these two men as cool, Brooklyn street-card-playing, trash talking grandpa’s headed down to join their old buddies at some mafia-driven circle in South Florida. Their gold jewelry prompted these mafia vibes. I had to resist the urge to ask them how old they were (thought I wish I had). Could you imagine?

I picked on a (small) something when I wasn’t approached with the same old-school chivalry, trust me, it’s not always the case, that possesses men to offer a hand or carry my bag (“Lady with a cane, can I help you? What’s wrong with ya leg?)  But really, I didn’t expect much from my seat companions–these guys had some years on them. They deserved to sit back and enjoy the show. As I approached my seat, cane steady, Frank said, “You gonna make it?” That’s it. I figured I would get a follow up question or comment upon sitting down but nothing. No plane talk. No friendly exchanges.This made them even cooler. Frank and Willis kept to themselves, observing the plane passenger traffic. Still in my drug induced state, I decided to join their people watching game.

Feeling residual shame from my behavior at check-in (I apologized to the counter woman), I avoided looking at passengers boarding in case I seemed familiar to anyone at check-in. That’s when the paranoia kicked in: I was certain something was going to go wrong on this plane. This would be my last flight, I just knew it. Things were operating too smoothly. Will there be a fire? A terrorist scheme? Is there an air marshall on board? A particularly boring looking, ethnically obscure young man entered the cabin. HIM! I chose him as the terrorist that would down our flight. He was wearing a suit two sizes too big and carried a small white bag from what looked like a Hudson News stand. Something about the way he carried that bag, walked onto our flight made me suspicious. This paranoia eventually wore off. But back to Frank and Willis.

Jewelry fit for a Don: Frank and Willis both had large, pronounced rings on their right hands. Frank wore his on his pinky finger while Willis chose to wear his on the often ignored index finger. Both were oval-shaped. Frank’s was a black stone with a gold base. Willis had classic gold. They both wore gold bracelets. Frank had two gold link chains on his skinny right wrist. He was a right-arm jewelry kind of guy.

I looked at Frank from the side while he nodded off to sleep; he was a handsome man. You could tell he was a catch in his heydays. Willis looked a few years older than Frank, chair-ridden without his walker or Frank’s assistance. Willis needed a wheelchair just like me.  Still, you could tell Willis was the one in charge. He was sneaky. The kind of sneaky where he’d poke up in butt with a cane or trip you with his walker.

I lowered the window shade so the light wasn’t in their eyes as attempted to nap. They popped back to life when the JetBlue Snacks and Beverages portion of the flight took place. They each took two snacks from the JetBlue Community Snack Basket. Frank opened a bag of chips for the both of them. Do grown men-folk share a bag of chips? Willis asked for a can of ginger ale that  they would split. Do grown men-folk spilt a can of soda? Frank opened his tray table to which Willis used as his own. Without processing any of this as couple behavior, I thought it was cute. Like an old bromance that lasted decades and didn’t have time for any embarrassment. Now that snack time was over, off to sleep for me.

I woke up from my scattered slumber to Frank’s voice–he sounded like a chain-smoking version of Ray Romano’s TV mother. Never would I have thought THAT voice came out of THAT man. I actually turned around to see if perhaps there was someone else this harsh, lady-like voice was emerging from. Nope, it was Frank. We were close to landing. As we approached the ground, Frank pointed out a popular church on US 1 from the window. He took out his flip phone to call Nancy. I had enough time to catch the adorable background picture on his cell phone of a elderly man. Maybe it was a picture of himself but I got the feeling it was Willis. Frank told Nancy they had landed safely. He planned to drop Willis at home. “I’m putting him upstairs and then I’m going to the grocery store to grab some things.” They discussed the details of their dinner. Soup and a sandwich. Frank got heated when he had to repeat these plans to Willis more than once. PUTTING YOU UPSTAIRS AND THEN IM GOING TO PUBLIX. YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY. NUTS I TELL YOU! Frank was aggressive but you could tell he loved Willis dearly.

We deplaned, waiting outside the gate for a crew member to push our wheelchairs. Frank, Willis and I made brief small talk. I learned they lived in Pompano Beach for more than 25 years. They were visiting family in NJ but it was too cold for them. Back to Florida they came.

The wheelchair guy walked up to his and asked Frank and Willis if they were together. “Yes, yes we are,” Frank smiled.

Sunday was the Woman’s World Cup Finals. Team USA played against Japan and emotions were high–just coming off July 4th weekend, everyone was out to prove the depth of their American spirit by cheering on Team US whether or not they were a fan of the game. I don’t claim to be a raging soccer ( or ‘futbol’ ) fan but I like watching the sport. It’s simple enough–you kick around a ball, score a goal until you accumulate a certain number of points within a given timeframe, and bam, game over. That may as well be the description for every sports game that ever existed, but soccer feels simpler to me than say American football or ice hockey.

So back to this game–I was having a lazy Sunday at home and after rescheduling dinner plans with a friend, I decided to get my American game-face on and check out this match. I walked over to Chocolada cafe and to my surprise they had a jumbo-tron televising the live match outside the sports bar and the cafe.

At this point I realized my phone was on 6 percent battery and was rapidly advancing towards death. I had my charger with me but the closest outlet was behind a table not within reach or else, inside the cafe. “Do I really need my phone?”, I thought. I already posted a Snapchat that I was watching the game outdoors with real people, satisfying my social media ego for the day, wasn’t that enough? I was alone and didn’t need to get in touch with someone specifically so what did I need my phone for? My apt was 1-2 mins away and I considered myself to be pretty safe. It was decided. I’d let my phone die. Who cares?

Sitting alone with a dead phone people watching forces you to pay attention. And it’s amazing what happens when you look up. When I’m busy futzing around on my phone, time goes by and my mind turns off.  It goes into dull mode (kind of like airplane mode but for your brain) or autopilot of sorts. While phone surfing, I don’t need to think about any one thing or person. My thoughts are a scattered assortment of random bits.My mind has no focus or direction and yet, I am supposedly processing the information and images I’m being fed via my phone.

What happens when you look up? You’re brain switches on again. And here’s the real kicker: As I watched the crowd of close to 30 people around me, almost EVERYONE was on their cell phone. Some of the scenes I saw included a group of teenage boys (or so they looked) waving their phones around, screaming TEAM USA as they captured a Snapchat video moment; two older women took selfies struggling to get the game’s screening in the background; one table over 4/5 members of a family were all scrolling through posts on Facebook and Instagram; more Instas, more Snaps, more posts, more scrolling, more waving. No one was even talking on their cellphones, let alone to each other.

It was like being the sober person in a room full of drunks. Not having my phone to escape to or a companion to distract me, I paid careful attention to how much people around me were absorbed in their phone lives. It was frightening. I wanted to look over to someone, give them the “Do you see this?!” stare but no one was available. Not even the waitresses– they passed time between waiting tables on their phones or being humans and speaking to one another, yes! I have younger cousins with cell phone charger cases…YOU NEED TO LET YOUR PHONE DIE SOMETIMES.

Are the days gone of chatting with your table neighbor? Befriending a stranger or casual conversation with people in your immediate environment? A real live person, not someone message box or online encounter? Can people still do this? Not to say that I don’t get absorbed in my phone, I very much do. Hell, I’m ashamed to admit my phone is the last thing I see before I go to bed and first thing I wake up to in the morning. Sad but true. But I didn’t grow up with cell phones or technology the way kids do now (shit I sound old). I got a cell phone junior year of high school. I used a pay phone to PAGE my parents to pick me up from the mall. BEEPERS! A whole new world. I can disconnect and be okay. If my phone dies the world will still turn at the same angle on its axis just like it did when my phone had battery life. I’ll still breathe, life will go on.

I tried explaining this to a colleague recently, the idea that I didn’t need my phone. That I didn’t really care if it died. Her response was, “I feel like I can’t breathe without my phone! I would die!.”

“No, no you certainly would not,” I assured her.

I’m pleased to say I sat at the cafe without my phone for close to 3 hours, maybe more. Sure, when I got home I plugged it and resumed my phone life: checking messages, emails, apps, whatnot. But it was nice to break off from it, or at least know that I still can.

My cousin recently got the Apple Watch. “I love it!”, she exclaimed. “I would miss so many messages and phone calls because my phone is in my bag and my bag isn’t always with me.” She had a point. There is an advantage but how do you know when enough is enough?

My doctor mom shared her feelings about the Apple Watch, “I think it’s going to give everyone cancer in 10 years. Wrist Cancer. Just wait and see.” To this my cousin threw her watch off. Okay, time for a break.